I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
