Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
