I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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