dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
