Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
