Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
