I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
