I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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