i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
