I CAN MOONWALK!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
