I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
