WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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