I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
