Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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