I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
