i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
