These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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