you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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