Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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