i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
