11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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