My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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