Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
