The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
