i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
