You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
