Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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