He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
