In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
