i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
