Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
