i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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