she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
