Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
