okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
