I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
