yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
