I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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