just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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