I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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