.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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