i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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