i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
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There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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