I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
