i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
