He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
