There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
