Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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