i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
