Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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