I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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