Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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