he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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