So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize