did you get engaged???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize