I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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