I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize