Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
