it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
