I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
