Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize