either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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