if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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