If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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