i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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