forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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