One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
